Monday, February 25, 2013

Needle meets Lung, A Love Story

Today was the dreaded lung biopsy.  Naturally, last nights sleep wasn't the greatest.   It was riddled with out of this world nightmares and then my reaction to said nightmares woke the puppy who then was unsettled.  I took Loki out to pee and then we slept in the living room.  Of course, sleeping on the couch means Gracie (girl cat) was on my chest and JD (boy cat) was on top of my head.  That doesn't exactly make for comfortable sleeping.  

Checking in at the hospital and getting all situated went smoothly.  The IV placing?  Not so much.  The "little prick" hurt ... and then she lost the vein.  *sigh* The nurse grabbed someone else to try.  A blood pressure cuff was used as a tourniquet, and a warm pad was placed over where the veins are to try and bring them back to the surface.  She also said "little prick" and there was more pain.  Considering the IV is my least favorite part, I was not enjoying this experience already which didn't exactly bode well for the whole day.  I could feel the nerves starting their pee pee dance.  My entire body began to shake.  The second nurse decided to try my other arm and they moved the regular blood pressure cuff over and ... poof, IV slipped right into my left arm.  I sort of recall suggesting that arm in the first place but, they'd already hooked me up to the monitor w/ that arm so it was pushed aside. 

OK, IV is in and placed and ... now we move to another room to sort of wait around for my turn.  My posse of people cram themselves into the teeny room.  Mom, Aunt, Cody, and Dan.  Four is enough to be a posse right?  So we all hang out and chat, funny stories, picking on me, picking on everyone.  It doesn't exactly quell the trembling dance of terror my nerves are doing.  

The last biopsy I had been subjected to was absolutely awful.  And, in my very descriptive mind, I was painting this experience as equally awful and dreading it with ever fiber of my being.  Honestly, I was hoping they would slide me into the CT machine to place where the spot was and it would be gone.  Then, they could just unhook everything and send me home.   

My doctor came in, another Dr. D., and he did really put my mind at ease.  He explained that the bone marrow biopsy is the most painful biopsy that can be done.  He explained that it wouldn't be nearly as bad, but said I didn't have to believe him and told me that he would be asking me how it was at the end and I could tell him if he was wrong or not.  I really liked the doctor.  

Then, it was time.  Ugh.  Everyone left and headed to the cafeteria.  I was wheeled into the CT room.  Dan walked with me to that point and for some reason it was really hard to see him standing outside as the door closed.  I don't know why.  I guess things felt very "real" at that point.  Real in the sense of what is going on.   

The room was like any other CT room I've been in.  I laid face down on the table and was thankfully, covered with a warm blanket from the waist down.  I was not wearing cute underwear and, to be honest, my backside is not a pretty picture in of itself so ... I'm sure everyone was glad it was covered!  I was reattached to the machines in that room so they could monitor everything about me.  The doctor came over and put stickers and markings on my back and then it was drug time.   Fentanyl and Versed.  I could feel it in my  head.  But, would I feel it in my lung?

I felt the sting of the local anesthetic and the burn.  And then OW! Yes, I said OW!  Because I felt it.  But, Dr. D2 stopped and asked for more medicines for me.  Woo hoo, bring on more Fentanyl.   Moments later, I heard some snipping and was preparing myself for the procedure to start again.  But, it was over.  I felt nothing!!!!!! I couldn't believe that it was done.  

That was a much better experience by far.  I was being such a baby beforehand.  However, the not knowing and anticipation was the worst part.   Why do I get inside my head with these things?  Sometimes I wish I could shut it off and wait and see.  

Unfortunately, I'm in my head too much.  I worry about things when I shouldn't.  I build things up in my mind to be far worse than they actually are.  Like, in the very beginning, when the C word was being tossed around.  I vehemently denied it in my head.  Cancer is BAD!  My experiences with cancer have not been good ones.  My cancer experiences have almost always resulted in someone I love being taken away.  But, I got in my head and made this bad for me.  

It isn't bad.  Just like today wasn't bad.  It's all going to be a breeze from here, right?  Yep.  Sure, I'll feel downright shitty for several weeks.  But, I'll park myself on the couch with Netflix, Amazon, my DVR, the iPhone, iPad, coloring books (if I can find them), crayons, and ride this out.  The radioactive lasers will kill every bad cell that decided to hang around after closing time and I'll be completely cancer free.

And for those wondering, I have no idea when I'll get the results of today's biopsy.  I am hoping before the end of the week.  That would be nice. 

Well, I'm off to fill out paperwork for my time off requests for radiation.  Paperwork, yay.  But, I am SO lucky to have this option.  

Goodnight ... 

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