Monday, March 11, 2013

Blend Blend here, chop chop there

and a couple of la-la-la ...
That's how we prep the day away in the merry ol' land of Oz. 

Ok, so not quite the exact lyrics and my creative prowess seems to be lacking today so it's not exactly funny.  But, today was prep day.  Everything begins tomorrow treatment-wise so I needed to make sure I had at least the bare essentials at home so I have something to choke down in the first day or two.

It was an interesting thing.  Let me tell ya, Cancer treatment will be nothing compared to trying to get in and out of Costco unscathed.  Serioulsy, what is it about Costco that makes people lose all common sense while they are in there shopping?  I am well aware of my surroundings the entire time.  I don't  make any sudden lane changes or directional changes without making sure I am not going to take someone out with my cart.  Apparently, I am the only one who adopts this mentality in that store.  I only needed a few things (plain greek yogurt, cottage cheese, frozen berries, no sugar added applesauce) so my trip was quick.  Harrowing, but quick. 

After that, I hit up Olivers and got the rest of my smoothie, soft food diet.  Peanut butter, bananas, soup, flax seed and protein powder, etc.  This was a much easier, safer trip where my life did not flash before my eyes and no toes were lost in the excursion.  I got home, put everything away and set to work.

I made 5.5  smoothies.  Two cups of lowfat milk, a cup of greek yogurt, two giant handfuls of spinach, a ton of frozen mixed berries, two scoops chocolate protein powder, a scoop of renewal greens and a dousing of chia seeds.  Blend .... chop ... blend ... and then I poured them into mason jars.  I wanted to make six and I figured out that if I just did the first blending the same level of the second, I would have had six.  Next time.  This way I have two per day for the next three days.  And I also have some premier protein shakes from costco to drink too. 

I made up my mouthwash.  Yum.  OK, I'm sure it will be fine.  It's a quart of water with two teaspoons of baking soda and some salt.  It is supposed to help thin out my saliva to help with nausea.  Between my soft foods, the mouthwash, special toothpaste and extra instructions, I am going to have the cleanest mouth in the world when I come back from this. 

It all begins tomorrow.  Tomorrow probably won't be too bad.  I mean, they say I'll have a sore throat almost immediately as far as side effects go but ... I am not thinking I'll be too wiped out tomorrow.  At least, I hope not.  The meds I'm already taking are taking their licks out on me, that's for sure.   Still, trying to think positive about things.  *crossing fingers*

Emotionally?  Well, that seems to be an area that I am struggling with today.  Everyone tells me not to think these things but, it seems like the issue of my weight comes up ALL the time.  So, yea, it's something I think about ALL the time.  This year was going to be the year I did some serious things.  I was gonna do all the same muddy 5ks I did last year, and I wanted to run the whole time this year.  I was going to lose SO much weight, be fit and trim and healthy and above all ... I was really going to get my Half Dome passes and get to the damn top of that mountain.  Finally, when I talked with certain people ... eating healthy and my weight would not come up in conversation. 

However, this year  my body decided to turn down a different road.  Everyone else is running, working out, achieving goals, celebrating and I am watching from the sidelines, still fat, still being judged every time I put something in my mouth.  It is depressing me.  It is hard to deal with.  I know it will pass but at the moment, I want to have a pity party.  This isn't what I wanted!  I am tired of those same words coming up. 

Cancer aside, I have a condition that could be very bad, very quickly and cause serious, permanent organ damage to my body.  Once I get rid of the cancer bugs, there's still going to be something else I will have to fight against for the rest of my life.  That weighs on my mind too.  What's my future going to hold? 

I fought against the emotions today by prepping for my first week of treatment.  Now, I'm at work, facing my last day in these familiar surroundings.  My last day of eating what I feel like eating, of living life as I knew it up til now.  I've been able to say I've got cancer and Weg's/GPA but ... now I have to face those facts head on and deal with them.  It's not going to be a pleasant time but ... it's something I HAVE to do in order to begin life again afterwards.

Maybe 2014 will be my year.  Survivor Mud Run, Russian River Mud Run, Mud Man, Warrior Dash, Tough Mudder, maybe a 10k?  You're all going down next year ... I promise you. 

I hope.

1 comment:

  1. I literally laughed out loud at your Costco description! SO accurate! If you think the Sonoma County Costcos are bad... try the Richmond one... seriously, never seen this kind of insanity ANYWHERE!!

    I was so scared before my first Rituximab treatment I cried all night... cried myself to sleep... no idea what to expect other than it could be really bad.