Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Duh, Double Spaced!

Since I have been trying to write every day, I've been trying to figure out just how long my novel would be if I submitted it to a publisher right now.  I was doing some research on manuscript submission and what do you know ... manuscripts need to be double spaced.  My work so far is single spaced.  It felt like I wrote and wrote and wrote and had a crazy amount of words but less than 30 pages.  Well, now, I have 76 pages.  I wrote an additional 6519 words today and it seems to make more sense now that the plot is where it is at 76 pages in, versus like 35.  I'm glad I was able to sit down and write today.  I almost didn't.  I told myself I didn't have to write everyday!! But, I did.  

Feeling like crud of course.  Nothing's changed there.  It takes everything I can muster to walk back to the bathroom a million times a day.  It takes all my energy to walk in and out of the radiation treatments.  But, I'm all for keeping up appearances and I smile and pretend nothing is wrong with the people inside. I meet with the nurse tomorrow after my appointment.  I'll be honest with her because I am supposed to be.  But, I feel like my short interaction with the zapping staff should be pleasant.  I don't want to be whining at them.  I know, I know.  I'm allowed to whine but it's just not something I like to do. 

I still have a low grade fever.  Tomorrow will make it a whole week that I've had this low grade fever off and on.  I don't know what to attribute it to.  Wegener's or Radiation.  Thats the difficulty I'm having.  I need to monitor my wegener's symptoms to keep my doctor aprised of my condition.  But, some of them are the same as radiation symptoms.  I know when my teeth hurt in the very front, it's my weg's ... when it's on the side, it's the radiation.  I know my sore throat is different when reacting to radiation than when it's weg's.  But, I'm so beyond tired of having something bothering me ALL the time.  I'm also just plain tired.  I don't sleep soundly.  I wake up in pain, I wake up to pee.  I wake up for no damn reason other than I woke up.  I can't get comfortable even though I have absolutely no energy to change positions.  

Hey look, I'm whining again.  I'd like to say that I am just documenting things but I'm whining.  I'll admit it.  I was able to get my dishes washed and out of the sink.  That made me happy.  I also checked to see if I needed to do laundry and I don't.  I'm OK for a few days.  Unless Dan has stuff hidden in the car.  Sometimes he brings in like a weeks worth of sweatshirts and the laundry basket went from looking empty to overflowing!!   Laundry and dishes give me some purpose.  I feel like I am contributing to life.  I'm not contributing anything else at the moment.  I'm a blob on the couch.  I am trying to embrace this, I am.  It's just such a hard thing to do.  Luckily, I have no other choice because doing things requires energy and that ... I have none.  

I finished and started another book (reading this time) and I am already hooked on this next book as well.  I am managing to stay on top of my water intake.  I'm trying to slow down my food intake but it's calling to me because my stomach growls and begs for it.  I know I shouldn't worry so much about my weight but my next medicine is dosed based on my weight.  I'd like to try and bring the number down a little bit so that I am not being given such a crazy dose of meds.  It will make the side effects that much worse.  

I need a nap.  I'd just really like a deep, restful, sound sleep.  And a bottle of Zzzquil.  Melatonin just doesn't do anything for me anymore.  Bring on the zzquil.  Does Costco make a 5-gallon jug of that?  Because they should.  It's awesome.  I'm just out at the moment.  I only make one trip away from the house a day centered around treatment so when I keep forgetting to get it ... it waits another day.  I'll try to stop by Target or Safeway tomorrow on my way home from treatment.  

Anyone watching Dancing with the Stars?  I am this season.  Why not?  I've got lotsa time!  I wanted to when I saw that Aly Raisman and Kellie Pickler would be on it.  I loved Aly in the Olympics.  And ... Kellie Pickler has always been endearing.  She knows she's a bit dimwitted and doesn't care.  She also shaved her head because her best friend was going through chemotherapy. That is a wonderful person.  And she looked GORGEOUS!  It gives me hope for when it's time to get out the clippers on my head.  Anyway, I loooooove the costumes.  I find myself watching the pros more than the celebrities.  I think the way they move is phenomenal.  I would love to be all thin and dolled up in those gorgeous sparkly costumes. It's why I loved figure skating as a kid too.  Watching it anyway!  I'm like a giraffe on skates.  All legs and falling over.  Anyway, the sparkles!!! I love it.  I'm such a girl sometimes.  Oh ... and Dorothy Hamil.  I loved her.  She's so sweet and humble.  SHe's a real class act.  I loved Andy Dick.  I thought he did better than they judged him.  I hope he sticks around.  He's really come a long way from where he was and that should be celebrated.  I'd like to see something good for him.  

I also might give American Idol another chance tonight.  As long as I fast forward Mariah Carey's completely fake compliments.  She doesn't care. She just wants to be on the screen.  Nicki Minaj seems genuine.  She is someone who knows exactly who she is and what kind of artist she is.  That's something Mariah Carey still struggles with, I think.  Anyway, I might watch it.  It saves my DVR'd shows for during the day when the trashy talk shows are on.  I don't need to know who the baby daddy is, or that someone slept with their mother's boyfriend.  I haven't even tapped into my Roku and Netflix selections yet.  Most of the time, I'm doing something like reading or farting around on the iPad while there is a show on.  

*sigh* The news bothers me.  But, I like to stay aprised of things ... yet it makes me angry.  It's a no-win situation.  I like the morning news.  Dave Clark on Ch 2 makes me laugh. He's so perky! Dan and I like to do our Dave Clark impersonations.  We get to laughing so hard.  I also like the 5 o'clock news because I like Gasia Mikealian.  She's quite beautiful.  I think it's her exotic look.  Dan and I both remarked that we think women of eastern indian descent are gorgeous.  I don't know if she's from that area, but she's quite pretty. 

Well, I'm rambling now, and I can literally feel my legs disappearing.  I'm going to try and take a nap! 


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