Thursday, March 28, 2013

Hello, Writer's Block, my Old Friend

The hours after radiation, where I become a sloth on the couch, are the times I usually sit down and write.  I can't move from the couch, so why not?  Well, it's that time and here I sit on the couch ... and I can't write.  I'm stuck.  I'm starting to think it sounds stupid, it's a dumb concept and that I should just delete it and start over.  

This is why I'm not even opening the Word document right now.  I don't want to do anything irrational.  It's better if I just leave it closed and work through these feelings on my own.  This is a step in the right direction, right? 

I put a Turkey Spinach lasagna from Costco in the oven a little bit ago.  It's not gluten-free, but I'm not totally back to that yet and it was easy to make.  I'm trying to focus on easy to make, cheap meals at the moment.  Remember the part about my income being shrunk?  Yea.  This is all part of the adjustment.  I can get more creative when I have a little more disposable income.  I know everyone says I should cook at home but ... when you are learning still, sometimes things don't work and you have to start over or do something else.  I'm not financially in a spot where I can just throw things out and start over.  I'm trying to be frugal here.  

Today's radiation sucked.  It's a painless procedure but, my body has decided that it's going to act up today.  Like, the constant dizzy spells.  It happened a couple times before I went, and then while I was sitting in the parking lot of the Cancer Center, it felt like I was sitting at an odd angle.  Has anyone ever had this before?  I didn't feel like I was sitting straight up, like everything was tilted.  I got on the table, got all strapped in and then ... everything started to spin.  It felt like I was turning on a pole.  I couldn't open my eyes.  I couldn't make it stop and I couldn't do anything because I'm not supposed to move.  

The nurse was removing my mask and asked if I was OK because my face was totally white.  I explained that I'd been having dizzy spells but that it was OK.  I met with the nurse (the usual Thursday routine) and even she was confused at the dizzy spells. I was feeling alright when I left so I headed over to Oliver's to get some chicken thighs for tomorrows crock pot dinner.  I felt that tilted feeling again when inside the store. 

As I left, I lost all my energy.  Everything was gone and it took every ounce of concentration and umph to walk to the car, to drive back home and to walk into the house.  Now, I'm waiting for the timer to go off in the kitchen, and I'm existing on the couch.  Tonight Dan has class so it will just be me and the fur-children hanging out.  JD and Loki have been playing non-stop.  I keep a close eye on his body language.  I know when he's thrashing his tail around he's not happy but ... he hasn't been. He doesn't even give the dog a full on swat, more like a half assed swing of his paw.  They are finally starting to be friends and I love it.  It also gives Loki a chance to run around and get some of his endless puppy energy out.  

It's raining today so he can't go run around outside.  Not that he would mind, he loves to go stand in the rain and look up at the sky.  Unfortunately, I don't want to hang out in the rain so ... we stay inside.  Sorry buddy.  

Well, I'm gonna go be a lump on the couch.  And no ... I'm not going to try and write.  I'll let writer's block be around me for the moment.  Like I said earlier, I'll end up deleting it or something and then I'd be pissed!!! 

I hope everyone had a great Thursday!!! 

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