Thursday, March 14, 2013

I'm Your Huckleberry

Ahh, my favorite movie Tombstone.  Full of excellent one-liners, great acting, old fashioned clothing and buildings, historical ... it has it all.  Including one very tuberculosis-infested Doc Holliday.  In fact, Val Kilmer has the best lines in the whole movie.  

Alas, I am not talking about this movie because I watched the movie recently.  Nope.  I bring it up because I feel like I am living Doc's life.  Sort of.  This blasted cough.  This blasted blood filled cough.  Yep.  For the better part of two months now, I've coughed up blood.  

Now don't panic, I'm not coughing up just blood like Val did in the movie.  If that happened, I wouldn't be sitting here writing about it.  I'd be parked at that hospital waiting for them to FIX THIS NOW!!! It's spreckled with blood.  When I had more infection in the lung, it would be spreckled over whatever color I was getting up at that point.  Now, it's just the blood. 

And it's brighter ... redder.  That worries me a little.  I was thinking that this high dose of Prednisone that I am taking would have stopped this cough altogether.  I don't see much difference in it.  Now, the coughs are more violent, making me almost vomit, or actually do so.  It comes without warning, BAM, I'm choking and it's there.  Or today, it's chesty. My chest feels like it's full of crap, full and heavy and I'm coughing like mad.  I desperately needed to cough during my radiation today.  It hurt sooooo bad in my back holding it in but my mask really doesn't make for much movement of my head and mouth.  

Not to mention, the coughing urge came up while the laser was hitting me.  Not before ... right during!  Stupid cough. 

And then, as if that wasn't enough.  I now have another low-grade fever.  Yep.  This is getting really old.   I wish I could put radiation on hold and take the Cytoxan right now.  My immune system is not happy with me and apparently wants to make that known.  

I'm currently having a dilemma.  Should I get in the shower now and wash my hair?  I am feeling awfully crappy. But, I want to wash my hair.  It's icky. However, I DO want to put on my sweats.  I do wear jeans to treatment.  I'm determined to remain feeling as normal as I can as long as I can.  I have to wear deep v-neck shirts for the zapping so it just works to wear it with jeans.    

I know, such decisions, right? Everyone should be so lucky to have to worry about what I do.  

In another topic ... taxes.  I was facing the music today in Turbo Tax and have finally did all I could.  I owe the Federal Government 6500 n' change.  I owe the State of California $1296. Yea, when you're sitting at home for two months like me this bill makes me want to pass out.  I know I can make payments, and I will.  It's the thought of adding another monthly bill to my currently limited income that has me nauseous.   In fact, I woke up at 3 am this morning trying to figure out how I could NOT owe the government.  Every option that came up had me owing the bank anyway so either way it's a bill, right? 

I am going to hopefully NOT have to make the first payment until I'm back to work in May.  I don't think I made my first payment last year until like July.  So ... there's hope.  

OK, I have to stop thinking about the money situation.  It will make me cry and I already feel horrible enough!!! 

I'm off to cough again.  This is getting OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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