Monday, April 29, 2013

Too much?

It's 7:25PM and I am thinking I may have rushed back into this.  But, it's going to be OK.  It's just that I am doing something and don't have the option of going and lying down.  I will get through this and every day it should get easier.  I am thinking that part of this has to do with the horrible night of sleep that I got.  I tried to stay up til 1am, which I did.  But then I couldn't sleep til like 2:30 am .... and then Loki woke up and wanted to go outside and pee at 3am.  He also wanted to chug down an entire bowl of water.  But, I was awake and had a hard time getting back to sleep when I got in bed.
Cue Dan getting up around 5am and me sleeping fitfully until I gave up and got up at 8. Well, woke up at 8 for good.  I stayed in bed awhile playing with my phone hoping the bright light from the phone would make me tired and send me back to sleep.

So this is me hoping tomorrow is better because I will sleep better tonight.  Right? 

Anyway, it feels good mentally to be back.  I had a flurry of radio traffic, and it all felt natural again.  The adrenaline.  Oh how I missed this.  I love what I do.  Not many people can say that.  As long as I can ignore other things that make me not love it here so much.  But, my fingers were flying over the keys, commands were still in my head, words were flying out of my mouth and I was managing things as if I had never been gone.

Of course, every time I spoke I'd then choke, gag and cough on my spit.  That's not such a fun part.  But, it's not gonna change so I better get used to it.

My return today showed me that some things never ever change.  It's unfortunate.  OK, wait, let me rephrase that.  Some things do change ... they get worse.  I am going to do my best to try and stay in a positive place.  One thing that stuck with me, said by my wonderful, albeit hard to understand oncologist.  Stress is food for cancer.  It helps cancer grow.  So, I cannot let myself get caught up in the web of stress that breeds from that.  And, I don't want to get caught in that. 

I love my job.  I have a blessed life.  Sure, some things sucked but ... something other people need to remember, things suck for everyone at one point or another.  I wish they would step outside their bubble and remember there is an entire world of people who have it worse than them.

Anyway, I digress.  I will not let this place get me down.  I love my job.  I've missed doing my job.  I am going to focus on that. 

Alrighty, have a good night y'all!!!

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