Thursday, July 25, 2013

Sucker Punch

I got a new doctor today. I now have to go down to San Rafael but, it's worth the 40 minute drive. I felt a million times more comfortable and that the doctor was listening. She wrote notes, looked at my chart and said "It sounds like you have Wegener's" and looked at all that had been going on and said no alternative diagnosis was jumping out at her.
She also said a needle biopsy of my lung doesn't seem to her to be enough to show the big picture of a blood vessel. 
Long story short, this was a MUCH different appointment than I've been having. I feel like I will have answers.
She's gonna consult my team of doctors and say "Do we continue to biopsy/test or do we call it Wegener's and start treating her?" She also mentioned the less toxic medications that I had read about. It just felt better.
Alas, during all this we had been discussing life insurance. I'm not sure ill be able to get any but we are still gonna try.
It's a sucker punch to the stomach to think about life insurance. Obviously, everyone goes about life insurance on the "what if". Things happen. Life is unpredictable. Car accidents, Mother Nature, etc.
When you are talking life insurance after having a cancerous gland removed and in the midst of a potentially fatal autoimmune disease ... Shopping for life insurance becomes more a question of "when". It's not an easy thing to stomach.
I could live decades more of my life. I'm not saying I'm gonna die tomorrow. But I'm not in the drivers' seat anymore. I'm just a navigator, suggesting routes and trying to stay alive. Boris has the wheel and he could decide to overcome me. You just never know.
Life insurance. If you don't have it, get it. Life throws a curve ball sometimes. I never imagined I'd be in the position I am  in. Never in million years. I know I'd always joke about my family history but... Actually being in the middle of all this has been an eye opener.
Hopefully, if we do get qualified, it will end up being a waste of money, never needed for many many many years. 
I just don't want to think about that yet.

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