Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Sometimes I have believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast

My blog has gotten grim and depressing, has it not?  Whine, snivel, cry, moan and groan is all I seem to do.  It's not fair.  Why me?  Why this?  Why now? Poor me.  Ugh.  Sometimes I am disgusted with myself when I think back to what I have posted here.  Snap out of it, Nicole!!

I know I'm entitled to my moments of sadness/anger/questioning.  It's a life altering situation with changes I'll have to make for the rest of my years on this planet but you know what?

It is what it is.

Dan hates that saying but it's quite true in my situation.  It's here.  It's gonna stay.  It's time to just accept it, live with it and have the best life I can, right?  I mean, all I have to do is log into my support forum, read through posts and remember how lucky I am in the grand scheme of Wegener's.  I don't have it THAT bad.  I have ongoing annoying crap.  I feel sick all the time, but, my kidneys work, my lungs while sometimes malfunctioning on a supreme level are still both healthy.  My nose has yet to collapse although if this scabbing and crusting keeps up I am worried about it.   My joints seem to be happier again.  I am in a good place in comparison to others.

Yes, we all suffer in our own ways and this thing really does take a bite out of your regular life and make everything change ... but, I am in a good place.  I'm able to still work 40+ hours a week, I am able to live a somewhat normal albeit altered existence and I think I lost sight of that for awhile looking at everything bad about the world and my Wegener's. 

I've been able to maintain the weight and not gain, despite the continued use of the Prednisone.  That makes me happy.  I am OK just staying put and not getting any bigger.  But, you can be damned sure as soon as the Prednisone is gone I am going to be focusing hard on getting the number to come down.   I eat clean.  I watch the carbs, I watch my sugars, no bread, no soda, etc.  If I keep that up without the steroids, the weight has got to start coming down. 

I was able to walk 2.2 miles today.  That makes me VERY happy.  I hope (if I don't spend all day at the doctor tomorrow) that I can go and try to go a little bit further tomorrow.  If not the same amount.  Loki seemed to enjoy it and I felt OK afterwards for a bit.  Mentally anyway, physically I started to feel very ill.  But, that's OK.  Baby steps.

I am still holding out hope that dayshift will be in my future.  I think that will be the missing piece.  I feel much better on the weekends, sleeping at a decent hour, getting up when I wake up, cooking healthy meals and sitting down and eating them right away.  Not to mention being able to see my husband on a more regular basis. 

In the big picture of the world, I've got it pretty dang good.  I've got a good team of doctors on my side.  I have my blood work schedule written down, I've got my medications mapped out.  I'm good.  I've got a handle on this as much as I can!

In the theme of the six things ... I will now acknowledge 6 positive things about my life.

1. A great husband/best friend
2. A wonderful family
3. The best doggy buddy a girl could ask for.
4. I own the roof over my head
5. I think I have my budget figured out.
6. A good job with benefits that help this medical crisis not cost me an arm and a leg!!

Have a fantastic Tuesday night everyone.

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