Saturday, August 10, 2013

You're Hot then you're cold ...

Did I get that song stuck in your head?  No?  Damn.  It was worth a shot.  Anyway, that's really how I feel today.  It's how I've felt for a couple days.  Feverish, so cold ... then hot and sweaty.  My face is tingling.  Literally the ball of my cheeks feels like there are tiny little ants dancing around inside it.  Then it feels like someone is behind my eye with a pick axe, hacking away.  My head feels like it's being squeezed in a vice, my stomach can't tell me it's hungry, I need to just eat periodically to remind it that I must have nourishment.  My whole body feels weak at times and ... the newest thing ... I feel winded when I talk.  Like, normal short sentences cause me to run out of air.  I feel like there is that usual band around my chest but I've never actually run out of air while speaking, unless I was rambling and trying to say something on one breath and running out. 
I'm gonna keep an eye on it.  Nothing to go rushing over to the doctor with yet. 

I doubt I could do any of the things that I did yesterday.  It is taking absolutely everything I have to maintain a positive attitude today.  Positive meaning sitting here and being normal and friendly and not letting the world know I want to go home and curl up in bed.  I hope this lets up. I have a lot of chores to get done tomorrow.

My endocrinologst called to speak to me about the absolutely puzzling lab results I had again.  (I just love how I keep stumping each and every doctor I go to!) She asked if I had these symptoms of hyperthyroid or these symptoms of hypothyroid.  Well, wouldn't you know it?  I have a bit of each of them.  Seriously! It's like my wiring system inside of me is completely jacked up.  Nothing is working like it should.  Unfortunately, my electrician of a hubby cannot fix this wiring problem.  

I have never paid so much attention to the process of going to the bathroom.  I've never taken stock in amount/color/feeling.  Yes, I'm oversharing.  This is my bloggy journal thing, I can do what I want.  Anyway, I've never paid much attention.  I've always been prone to UTIs.  It's something about the makeup of my parts.  So, I would notice when that was happening.  But, now ... now I have to see if enough is being produced and that it's the right color.  Apparently, I had a UTI and felt nothing. It was discovered by my urine tests.  Weird. 

I hate getting up and doing an inventory.  No pain in the joints, good.  Eyes feel alright, good.  Oops ... feeling like a bus hit me again.  Damnit.  Oh, there's my face hurting, lovely. It really sucks.  Someday I won't have to do this in the mornings.  Someday I won't think about it constantly.  I'll think about it but not like every waking minute.

I'm starting to get whiny here.  Dang it.  I am trying so hard to keep the smile on my face but I really and truly feel like I have the flu.  This SUCKS! The rest of the world gets to get the flu and go home because they honest-to-goodness have the flu and are contagious and such.  I have to sit here and keep pushing forward in life, working 10plus hours a day, 4plus days a week, trying to be a normal functioning human.  I wish I was rich enough to be able to face this without the addition of working.   I purchased a Powerball ticket but I wasn't one of those lucky ones.

I want normalcy.  I want to complain that I have to work when I want to go have fun.  I want to complain that I didn't get to sit at the position I wanted to.  I want to complain that the world isn't fair because things didn't go the way I wanted them too.  I didn't get to go to that movie or on a date.  I didn't get to get that day off so that I could do this one thing or another. 

I want that normal.  I want life to just be normal.  I want to think the insignificant is super important again.  I want to overreact about dumb shit.  I want to have a total meltdown and slam things down because I'm just annoyed.  You'd think I'd be able to do that, but I can't.  I now have a stigma on me.  I now have to be careful what I do/say/act because it will all be pointed out that I am not handling myself well.  I will be reminded that if I cannot behave or act normally that I should not be here, I should take my time and be at home.

Hey, I'm cold again.  I am shivery and have those chills again.  I had my sweatshirt on too.  Yay, fever, welcome back.  It's not like I missed you or anything.

I can do this.  I can do this.  It's time to start chanting.  I think I can I think I can I think I can. 

No comments:

Post a Comment