Monday, September 2, 2013

C'mon leaves, start a-fallin!

September and October are my favorite months of the year.  October eeks out the lead because of my favorite holiday of the  year, Halloween.  I love all the ghosties, ghoulies and monster decorations.  I love cemeteries and creepiness and Halloween just makes me happy.  So, the start of September makes me happy.  Time can slow down for these two months so I can enjoy it before November takes over and starts to get cold and yucky.
I do like the rain though.  I welcome the winter rain!

I haven't written in a few days.  I haven't even kept up on my happy photo challenge.  I'm gonna start over because I totally fell off the wagon.  I get so busy at home that I find myself remembering when I pull into the parking lot here at work and have just a wee bit of time to find something that makes me happy.  So I'll be starting all over again, trying to remind myself daily to look for things to make me happy.

I should stop looking at the Kaiser website.  I went there for some reason, I really can't remember why ... but saw that they had added yet another "Ongoing Health Condition" to my list.  I knew the radiologist who did my MRI last week mentioned a growth on the pituitary gland but I didn't think it was something that needed to be noted in my chart.

So now I have 5 things written there.  FIVE! 

Hyperthyroid (you couldn't tell by looking at me!)
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (autoimmune disease of the thyroid)
Solitary Plasmacytoma (gone for now but still something to be constantly checked on)
Wegener's Granulomatosis (ah yes, the potential life ender!)

and the newbie:  Pituitary Adenoma

Thankfully, adenomas are mostly benign.  Alas, "mostly" doesn't mean they ignore it so ... there will be yet another series of uncomfortable MRIs in my future where they attempt to cram my giant fat behind into a tiny tube just to take pictures o' me brain.  Yes, it has been confirmed I have a brain.  There was something inside my skull smiling at the cameras.  Anyway, if it grows ... it has to come out, if it spreads, it's not benign.

All this translates to yet another tiny worrisome thing hanging out in the back of my mind all the time.  When I do think about it and get a lil tense, I remember what I've researched and all those "benign" comments.  Nevertheless, it's not fun to know that there is something growing where it shouldn't be.

Seriously, body of mine, why can't you just function like normal?  Why do you have to spontaneously grow things in odd places, allow cancer to invade and think that the parts I was born with are foreign agents?  It's like my body is a teenager going through an extremely rebellious stage.  I don't like it. 

Sometimes, I wonder what's next.  Honestly, every time I turn around it seems like something else has come up, is happening, is forming, is being investigated.  I am trying to achieve some sort of medicinal remission and feel somewhat human again but ... it keeps getting further and further away.

I have a series of days off coming up in a day and a half.  I plan on cooking dinner, picking up around the house, laundry, etc.  I don't plan on venturing far from my home, I will not be spending money on anything other than groceries and gas.  It will be absolutely fabulous to just be a homebody for a few days. 

I can't wait to go home tonight.  I'm starving and have no food.  I need to eat something before the absolute yuckiness of my meds kick in.  It's Monday!  I usually take my medications at 1100.  I was driving to work at 2:30 and realized that it was Monday and I hadn't taken them.  Dna brought them to me and I was able to get them taken right away.   Now I won't know when the lousy feelings will start to hit. 

I look out the window and still see summertime.  I can't wait for orange and yellow leaves, I can't wait to hear them crunching on the ground.  I can't wait for the bit of a bite in the air at night.  I can't wait for sweaters and jeans again.  I love fall.  I love autmn.  I love it!!!!!!!!

See?  I can't still find something wonderful about the world.

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