Sunday, September 8, 2013

Go away heat, you're not welcome!

I am all for warm sunny weather.  I enjoy being outside.  I love looking around at how everything is lit by the sunshine.  I like the clear blue skies, I like the birds singing and the scent of flowers in the air.  I do.  I love all that sunshiney summer-ness. 

What I don't like?  Temperatures above 95 and especially above 100. 

I'm fat, people.  Yea, yea, I shouldn't say that about myself but it's the truth.  I am.  I've learned to accept this for the moment.  I'm fat.  Fat people don't like heat.  Why?  Because clothes that thin people wear are not pretty on people of my size.  Tank tops?  Oh hell no.  Have you seen my bat wings?  Shorty short shorts?  I think my ass would eat them and it just would not be a pretty sight.  I am able to stay cool with dresses but it's a fine line between cool dress and muu muu.  I've touched on this in another blog entry.  I'm also overweight and miserable so ... moving around sucks as it is, add a few thousand degrees of heat in the air and I'm beached. 

It's September!  I am ready for the briskness in the air. I am ready to feel the coolness starting to creep in, signaling that autumn is upon us and winter will soon be here.  Starbucks already has Pumpkin Spice Lattes (YIPPEEEEE) which would be so much better if I was sipping one wearing a sweater and not trying to stay cool in a lightweight summer dress.  No, I don't want it iced.  It's not the same ICED!!

I prefer to cuddle up in blankets instead of being under the thin top sheet.  I like the comforter on me.  I like to be tucked down in it and I cannot get my room cold enough to make that happen. Instead, it's hot and stifling even with the fan and I am under the top sheet trying to sleep. 

I'm just eager for fall/autumn.  I love that season.  It is my absolute FAVORITE.  I am ready for it to hurry up and get here.  This summer business is getting quite old.   However, that being sad.  My hubby's work usually slows down in the winter so I am NOT looking forward to that part of that time of the year.

This cold is clinging to me for dear life.  Just when I think I might be getting better, I get worse.  Perhaps, I shouldn't think and acknowledge these getting better feelings.  It's like my body catches on that I am aware of what's going on and it retaliates.   I up the dose of my immunosuppressant drugs tomorrow.  Now I get to swallow 8 pills at a time.  (Or in two small handfuls I guess).  I wonder what wonderful side effects I will have with the new dosage.  In two weeks I get to jump it up again.  I am hoping that there are bigger sized pills out there because I will run out quick everytime if I have to be popping 12 pills at a time.  I will need to get one of those giant prescription bottles.  I have to take these for two years ... I'm gonna need a few!!

The one thing that I've started to become concerned about is the side effect of hair loss.  It won't be total chemo hair loss but, it can be significant.  I will shave my head if I get a bald spot.  That's the only way I can get by without being completely self conscious about the balding.  I can wear hats, scarves, a cool funky wig! There are options to covering a bald head.  There's not many hairstyles I can manage myself to cover bald patches.  I've heard from some people who had some pretty severe patching.   The hair grew back thicker than ever, which also is  worrisome because my hair is pretty thick right now.  Oh well, the more the merrier I guess.  I had heard that it could come in curly too.  Well, if it's curlier than now that would be good because right now it's just naturally some sort of wavey curled mess.    Or, it could come in bone straight.  That would also make me happy.  I would love to have wash and go hair.  Let it dry, watch it dry straight.  No more flat iron and round brush!

See?  I'm getting better at finding a silver lining to this mess.  I will make the best of what comes.  The good part of gaining 50 lbs?  Shopping.  However, I am ready for the weight to come back off and to be able to wear jeans again without looking like a stuffed sausage casing is around my legs.  And, I don't want to look like one of those giant Costco muffins.    I will get cute hats to go with the cute hats I already have if I have to be bald.  I'll save money and get a super cool wig.  I might even get better hair afterwards, it will be all good.

As long as I don't die.  Because I don't want that.  Anything I have to deal with above ground just reminds me that I am not below it.  That's been on my mind recently with the death of a family friend.  It was a sudden, unnecessary death and it makes me think, as usual.  I don't want to leave earth.  In all the shitty, crappy things that go on around me and around the world, I am not ready to be done with it.  There is still good in this world, there is still life left to live. 

This horrible year is fast approaching it's end.  We are 8 days into September.  I do hope that it cools off ... that I start to feel better, and that things in the world generally get better.   I hope that everyone has been able to stay cool, or warm if you aren't in a hot place like I am.  I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and is enjoying their Sunday.  Go 49ers!

I hope wherever you are in the world, you are smiling. 

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