I'd like a do-over.
Life is pushing at me. It's pushed me to my breaking point sometimes. I stand at the intersection of the current path I'm on and some other mystery road and I wish with everything I have to be able to turn and run down that road into who knows what.
Multiple times a day I wish I could get in my car and drive off, only a burner cell phone in my pocket. I'd leave the traceable phone behind. No one would find me. Just ... Go.
That would be running away though. Unfortunately, I know enough to know that it doesn't solve a damn thing. Problems follow like a shadow. Especially mine. Mine are like crappy luggage. If I ran away tomorrow, I'd still have dumb ass debt, I'd still have cancer and I'd still have Wegener's. See? Not much point in running off.
Wouldn't it be nice though?!
I could slip into some new town, a nameless face in the crowd. Maybe I could have a whole new story. I could be some happy girl with a happy past. No health problems. No baggage. Just me.
I don't want to leave the people in my life. Hell, I even love my job. It's just that I'm not living.
I want to run away ... Far far far far away. It's not the adult, mature, responsible thing to do. Ugh. I want to press restart on everything.
I'd gladly take a fairy godmother right now. She could bibbity bobbity boo some stuff into a better situation, I'm punctual, I'd get back by midnight. I promise.
Damn. A girl can dream. I feel like that's all I have left. Daydreams, fantasies, any small shred of time where I can escape things.
It's still not enough. Real life is a crapshoot and I rolled crappy. Not completely. There is good in all this stress but sometimes it's hard to see it.
It's tempting to go, run, flee, escape. But, it's just a fantasy. It will stay that way.
After all, I don't run. :)