My dear readers, how easy it would be for me to open this page up and dump out everything that's inside my head right now. It would essentially be a complete and total word vomit because no good would come from it. Oh sure, I'd be purging my brain of all those bad thoughts, you say. But, it wouldn't do me any good to vocalize them because ... to vocalize them is to give them life. I have decided they don't deserve that power.
I made a decision towards the end of my shift yesterday that I was going to choose happiness. I'm not sure what made me step back and look at the negative things from a wider perspective but I am glad that it did. I decided that I needed to rise above it, pulling myself from the cesspool of drama, wiping off the stains it leaves behind and moving away from it completely. I don't even want to stand near the shores of that cesspool. Why? Well, cesspools of drama have a way of suddenly brewing a tidal wave that sucks you in! If you're standing near the shores of one yourself ... RUN AWAY!!!!
For those of you that know the type of environment I work in, you'll know what I am talking about. Now, it's not specific to the type of job that I do, that's not it at all. It's an epidemic of any office environment. Lots of people cooped up in a room, lots of drama, differing personalities, men women, children (yes, adult children) and ... drama. Oh I mentioned that already? Well, it gets a dual mention! It's bound to happen. People weren't meant to be trapped in a cage among other people. It either makes you too in love or too in hate with each other.
I work a lot. Shocker, I know. I keep saying that I won't and then I do. I think it is a sign of my OCD. I never would have said I have OCD but I am admitting now that I am. I need some semblance of control. It's only been worse since the tri-diagnosis of health conditions sent me spiraling a little. I wasn't in control then, but I am now. How? Because I can work as much as I need to and assure myself the bills will be handled. I can work when I need extra money. I am in control. It's also all I know at times. Sometimes, the dramatic, uncomfortable, high stress environment that can be my employment is as comforting to me as a much loved blanket. I sink in, knowing I am good at what I do, my people trust me and I am needed. As I write this, I realize how unhealthy that sounds. But, it's my OCD, OK? I am working through it as you work through your own issues.
I went off course there. Anyway, I work a lot. I work a lot in the aforementioned not always positive environment and it can be damaging to ones positivity. Alas, I learned that it is only damaging if I let it. That's right, folks! I am in charge of how I feel. I am the one who decides to dwell on something, be angry by it, or ... walk away. I've decided it would be in the best interest of myself, my health, and others, if I just walk away. No. Not walk away from my job! How on earth could you think of such a thing? I mean, walk away from the drama. I don't want any part of it. It's unhealthy! It's a domino effect. It trickles into everything I do. It affects my time away from work and ... that is such a precious rare time that I don't want to let anything affect that. SO ... it's time for that to stop.
I am here a lot. It's better to be here a lot and happy than to be here a lot and angry. It gives me tension headaches. It gives me stress and I learned last year a very important lesson. Stress is the candy of Cancer. Oh yes, my friends, Cancer has a sweet tooth for stress. It may not GIVE you cancer but it will sure feed on it if you let it. Since I have it ... (remission but still) I need to make sure that I breathe, relax and stay on top of keeping Cancer in remission. I won't allow it to have any candy or sugar, the same way that I will no longer be having candy or sugar. I will remain positive, happy, calm, cool, and collected. I will continue to smile, and not in the "I'm wearing a smiling mask" kind of way. Nope. I'll smile for real, because I will be happy for real.
"Happiness is an inside job" You can be happy if you tell yourself to be happy. If you just keep deciding to be happy, it will happen. If you smile at people, you'll brighten their day so why not smile at yourself? You can stay away from the drama if you make sure to tell yourself to stay out of it. It's so easy to slip back in, the cesspool is warm and inviting. It's like a bath or a hot tub, calling to you with how comfortable it is. "Everyone is here, come on in!" It sings to you like a Siren, bringing you to your death. Don't let it. Turn around and run, run far far away from that cesspool. Come back to the other side where the light is.
I'm over here to keep you company. It might not seem like the "cool" place to be at first, but think of the long term effects of being in the light. Less stress and discomfort, better sleep, a better image of yourself and ... you'll see so many other things that you didn't notice while wallowing in the dirty, dank, darkside.
I choose happiness. What do you choose?