Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Thanks for the Memories

To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

Oh how it absolutely pains me to write those words!!! Late Robin Williams?  How on earth could that be?  Such a tremendously talented man.  A tortured soul, yes, most comedians are.  It's where the comedy comes from.  Did you know that?  I actually did.  Yes, I knew he battled demons.  But, like the rest of the world, I wasn't aware of just how bad that fight was. I wish I wasn't referring to him in the past tense.  This world is not ready to be without him.  We aren't. 

Laughter is the best medicine.  Truer words have never been spoken.  How many times in my own dark days did I laugh at a joke and feel a little better?  Do you know who my favorite comedian was?  It shouldn't be hard to figure out.  Robin Williams.  Did he know that?  Well, no.  I'm just a girl who happens to live in the same county he spent a lot of his time in.  He had a BEAUTIFUL house up on the hill in Sonoma County.  My husband did electrical work for him years ago.  He was blessed with the chance to meet him.  He's a lucky som'bitch.  I'll tell him that too.  I've wanted to meet Robin Williams since I was a little girl.   I loved Mork from Ork.  He was funny and silly and carefree.  Robin Williams was a huge inspiration in my very own life.

How can he not be here anymore? 

The moon is a little darker, the stars not shining as brightly as before.  Our world is different because there is a powerful force to be reckoned with that has given up the fight and left us.  We are left here on earth to wonder if there was anything we could have done.  We are left to wonder if the light will ever be as bright as it was when Robin Williams was here. 

His smile was infectious.  The laugh ... oh how it made me laugh.  He was a voice actor, a character actor, a dramatic actor.  He was everything and anything.  He was amazingly gifted.  How can that man, who cracked jokes at a thousand miles an hour and seemed to bounce off the chair with his energy ... just disappear?  Or that man, who you thought couldn't be serious, even for a minute, suddenly was on screen before you playing a conflicted and tortured psychiatrist.  There was rarely a smile in that movie.  A man so subdued I was shocked it was him at first.  That is the mark of a true talent.  An incredible talent.  There isn't anyone else out there like him.

The social media world is abuzz with remembrances, condolences, and pain.  There's not a soul on this earth that he didn't reach in some way.  A supporter of the troops, an SF Giants fan who was at games rather often, a family man, a local Sonoma/Marin county resident, A comedian, an actor, a giver, an inspiration, a husband, a father, a friend ... His movies traversed genres. It wasn't like he was just a comedian, or comedic actor.  Nope.  There were a few dramas sprinkled in to show just how goddamned brilliant he was. 

This awful, heartbreaking, news sheds light on a serious issue as well.  Depression and Suicide.  It's a real thing, people.  It doesn't matter how famous you are, how talented and accomplished you may be in your life.  There are some mountains we can't see over.   It takes tremendous strength to even try to climb over them and at times, the journey can be too much.  Just when it feels like the peak is close, you fall back down the mountain to start over.  No one can understand what you are feeling because it is YOU that is experiencing it. 

Tom Hardy's quote comes to mind ... "Everest is obvious to climb because it's there, it's a mountain.  But personal Everests, you can't see them, and the journey to the top of the mountain and back down is frought with hazards and no one can see them but you." 

Everyone has a personal Mt. Everest.  It doesn't matter the issue because it is your issue.  What is important to you, is important to you.  You're the one who has to overcome it.  No one has the right to downplay anything in your life. 

Obviously, there was something awful in Robin Williams' world that he couldn't climb over.  No one has any right to say anything about it.  It was his battle, and he decided to end it. 

The pain I am feeling over this is shaking me to the core.  Growing up, whenever someone would ask "If you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would you choose?"  I always chose Robin Williams.  He seemed like a fun, effervescent spirit who seemed to obtain great joy from making people laugh.   He was a giving person, a kind person who gave his time to more than his career.   But now, there's no chance of meeting him, of soaking up that joy by just being around him. 

As a Sonoma County resident, it feels like our most famous citizen is gone.  A star that lit my childhood and movie/television experience has gone out forever. 

He wasn't just an actor to me.  This isn't just some famous person who died and it's sad and life goes on.  This one hurts and it hurts bad and my heart goes out to his wife, and his children, and his family.  I cannot even imagine what they are feeling if I am devastated to hear of the man's passing and I never truly got to know him in person. 

"Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself." - Sean, as played by the late Robin Williams

Be at peace now, Mr. Williams.  Fly free in the heavens and smile.  Your legacy will live on forever back here on earth.  You smile will shine from television screens, your laugh will dance like music in the ears of the people who loved you.  We loved you.  Perhaps that wasn't what you needed or even really knew.  But, we loved you and will miss your spirit back here with the earthlings.  Fly back to Ork, Mork.  Rainbow suspenders will never be seen the same again.  A red clown nose , giant clown shoes and a new meaning for the term Gesundheit will bring your face back to our minds.   "It was a run by fruiting"  "heloooooooooooo", dancing with a vacuum cleaner and sticking our faces in pie.  Run your fingers through the painted colors of heaven, because we don't believe for a minute that you are in that dark place.    Peter Pan will live forever in our hearts as you will, sir. 

** But oh, to be free. Not to have to go "Poof! What do you need, "Poof! What do you need, Poof! What do you need?". To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world. **

Well, Genie ... You're free. 

Rest in Peace, Robin William.  Na-nu Na-nu


  1. Beautiful, Nikki, and the best thing I've seen written yet about Robin Williams.

  2. I feel like I lost a friend...a really funny friend with the most soulful eyes.