Saturday, November 8, 2014

Fall down, get back up.

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am the WORST critic of my actions.  In my eyes, I can do no right.  It may not be a good thing, it's just how I have always been and how I strive to do better.  But then, there are times where I ignore that nagging voice in my head.  Yep, I completely and totally ignore it.  For instance, I just shoved a brownie in my face.  Yes, a brownie.  Is a brownie good for me?  Hell no!  It's not "good" for anyone. But, I am supposed to eliminate things to keep me from getting sicker. 

But, I don't want to! ARGH! I just posted last night that I was going to crack down on my shitty eating and do better ... today.  Am I doing better today?  Nope.  Remember the brownie I mentioned?  I'm also headed to Chipotle for lunch.  (facepalm)  I didn't bring lunch with me.  That was my fault.  I also didn't want to be stomping around in the house prepping crap while the rest of the house slept.  I made a note to myself that tonight I would prep my entire meal for the next day and come to work tomorrow prepared with ONLY clean/healthy/life saving foods.

I am completely chastising myself in my head.  Oh the names I am calling myself.  You'd be blushing.  It's what I do.  It's how I correct myself.  For once? I am not stopping this internal berating.  It will help me.  You  may think it harsh and uncalled for but ... I know me and what I need to get my rear in gear.  

It's too easy to just fall down and stay down and say "whatever, I don't care" but ... it has negative consequences.  Weight gain and ... inflammation and all the other crap that comes along with these things.  So, I must get back up, dust myself off and try again.

I tried to do a re-write on my latest book today too and that's not working.  I think I am in a negative headspace.  I was super motivated to dive in and then ... I was hating everything about it.  Which, is not the same feelings I had when I finished it.  I love the characters and I want to get back in there and fix them up ... but I am not in a good way.  I don't know why.  For the most part, I think I am in a good mood but the slightest thing is setting me off today.   Oh well, must pull it together.

I'll attempt the re-write again tomorrow.

I'll start back on my healthy living lifestyle tomorrow.

Wow, tomorrow has a lot to live up to. 

No comments:

Post a Comment