Anyone who knows me is aware that I am the WORST critic of my actions. In my eyes, I can do no right. It may not be a good thing, it's just how I have always been and how I strive to do better. But then, there are times where I ignore that nagging voice in my head. Yep, I completely and totally ignore it. For instance, I just shoved a brownie in my face. Yes, a brownie. Is a brownie good for me? Hell no! It's not "good" for anyone. But, I am supposed to eliminate things to keep me from getting sicker.
But, I don't want to! ARGH! I just posted last night that I was going to crack down on my shitty eating and do better ... today. Am I doing better today? Nope. Remember the brownie I mentioned? I'm also headed to Chipotle for lunch. (facepalm) I didn't bring lunch with me. That was my fault. I also didn't want to be stomping around in the house prepping crap while the rest of the house slept. I made a note to myself that tonight I would prep my entire meal for the next day and come to work tomorrow prepared with ONLY clean/healthy/life saving foods.
I am completely chastising myself in my head. Oh the names I am calling myself. You'd be blushing. It's what I do. It's how I correct myself. For once? I am not stopping this internal berating. It will help me. You may think it harsh and uncalled for but ... I know me and what I need to get my rear in gear.
It's too easy to just fall down and stay down and say "whatever, I don't care" but ... it has negative consequences. Weight gain and ... inflammation and all the other crap that comes along with these things. So, I must get back up, dust myself off and try again.
I tried to do a re-write on my latest book today too and that's not working. I think I am in a negative headspace. I was super motivated to dive in and then ... I was hating everything about it. Which, is not the same feelings I had when I finished it. I love the characters and I want to get back in there and fix them up ... but I am not in a good way. I don't know why. For the most part, I think I am in a good mood but the slightest thing is setting me off today. Oh well, must pull it together.
I'll attempt the re-write again tomorrow.
I'll start back on my healthy living lifestyle tomorrow.
Wow, tomorrow has a lot to live up to.