That's it, time to stop pussyfooting around and get serious.
I have the tools in my wheelhouse to not look or feel this way. My brain is full of knowledge on nutrition, and I have this amazing way of working out that will turn me into the person I want to be. I just have been dabbling in it. I've allowed so many things to derail me.
Last night, upon leaving work, I had made a decision to stay home from CrossFit because I couldn't stop coughing, my chest felt tight, I was wheezing. It just didn't feel like a smart idea. I got home, I walked the dog down the street because I needed to do something and Loki needed air. When I was halfway, I realized that I should just do it. Get off my ass, change into my clothes, and go to CrossFit. I knew I would feel better afterwards and if I couldn't do the WOD that was up there, I could modify it to something that my breaking body could handle.
I changed, I drove over there. While driving, it felt hard to breathe but I was determined to go and workout however I was able to. If I walked laps around the building the entire time, I would have. I just needed to do something.
Of course, seeing all of the people just lifted my spirits and the workout didn't seem like something that would actually kill me with plenty of room for modification if needed.
So I did it. I didn't modify other than my usual scaling down and I finished the whole darn thing. I was pretty happy with myself, I was also 100% happier. That's what it does.
I feel motivated to be back on my 3-4x a week. That's the easier part. Now, if I could just get the nutrition dialed in for reals, I would be unstoppable.
I always say, I am the spokesmodel for the phrase "You cannot out exercise a bad diet." Because on weeks I work out a ton, the scale doesn't budge because I eat like an idiot.
This has to change.
This is something I have told myself a hundred times before. I've also said it in this very blog. But I do need to change. I've been trying to come up with a tracking plan, outside of my usual MyFitnessPal, etc. I have lots of the packets from the liquid diet I did so it will have some of that mixed in. You know, in case I didn't bring enough food some day. That will keep me from wandering to the snack table.
I have a competition in a month. There's a huge motivator, I will be 40 in just over a year and a half. I would like to do something fun for that birthday. Maybe a cruise, or a trip to Hawaii or somewhere I can wear a bathing suit and relax in a chaise and read a book. Yes, I definitely need to change the way this body looks before I would feel comfortable doing that.
I need to start blogging every day to keep myself accountable on how I am taking care of myself, both mentally and physically. I just need to start taking care of myself.
I hope you are having a wonderful day.
See you next time!