Sunday, April 15, 2018

You get to do this.

My anger has been spiraling today. I let it get out of control and then ... I looked at my calendar.  Yes, I made it all the way to past 1pm before I realized what day it was. 

It's April 15th.  My cancer went into remission five years ago. It's the day I can officially say I am no longer a 'cancer patient'.  Pay no attention to my bi-annual chemo treatments, that's a chemotherapy drug I take for my autoimmune disease. I don't have cancer anymore, yo. 

It's kind of hard to be mad at anything when you look at something like this.  Yes, I'll get mad all over again later because, let's face it, I am human. But ... it reminded me of a quote I had heard listening to a podcast by Ben Bergeron who coaches Katrin Davidsdottir, who is this phenomenal CrossFit athlete and two time world's fittest on woman.  He says he hears people saying "I have to go pick up the kids from _____" or "I have to go to work" and wishes people would stop and realize that they "get to" because there are countless people in this world, probably even in your own town, who wish they could trade places with you. 

I know that there's a man out there who wishes his wife was still alive to 'have to go to work' but cancer stole her out from under us without hesitation. I know there are people who are disabled and unable to walk who wish they could come to CrossFit and run the 4x400m runs that I complain about.  

It's hard to whine when you look at things from that perspective.  

Now, I know that we can't always remember these things and life is not always sunshine and rainbows but ... it's a nice reminder once in awhile.  No one wants to get up at 3:30 in the morning to go to work every single day.  I certainly don't. But, that early rising brings me to a job that pays me well and affords me the ability to do the things that I want to do.  Would I rather sleep in?  Hell yes I would.   Sometimes, we have to do things that we don't necessarily want to do. It doesn't mean we are any less fortunate to do them. 

Yes, I wish I could hold onto positive outlook forever but I am human. I'm going to get mad at what I was mad about this morning all over again.  It's a human emotion, it happens. 

What will I do about it?  What I love to do to get rid of anxiety, anger, stress, frustration, etc.  I will go to CrossFit and fling my body around, lift heavy things and throw stuff to the point of absolute exhaustion. I will complain about whatever the workout is, make faces, feel like I am going to cry and then ... when that timer beeps that it's over, or I finish all the rounds I am supposed to, I will drop to the floor and feel as if everything is gone.  I am able to look at whatever was upsetting me with a new set of eyes and rationalize certain things and it makes things easier for me to address. 

This is my therapy, it is my happy place, it is  my hobby, it's my life saver. Because it screws my head back on, it tapes my heart back together, and it gives me new perspective. 

As of today, I am officially a cancer survivor.  I still have to deal with the butthole known as Wegener's on a daily basis. I am trying not to focus on how I hate everything about how my disease is acting right now.  But I have no cancer. 

Bye Felicia!!!!!! 

I hope you are having a fabulous day. It's getting dark and blustery out there so I hope you are warm and dry wherever you are! 

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