Thursday, May 10, 2018

It's Just Me Versus Me.

It's Thursday.  Are you kidding me? My competition is THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW!!  

Cue mini-panic attack. Holy Schnikes! 

Am I ready?  About as ready as I can be. Did I lock my nutrition in the way I wanted to before this day?  No. Did I lose, like, 20 lbs?  Also no. But ... can I do the workouts without dying?  Yes.  100% Yes.  That's what matters right? 

I feel every single butterfly that is flying a swirling vortex inside my stomach and try to talk to them and tell them that I made it through the Open.  But then, all those little butterflies remind me that I did the Open in my box, my gym, with my people.  My judges. My environment. My safety net. Saturday I will be in another city, at another box, with strangers doing the judging.  I don't have many movements where I think a No Rep could be called but it could happen.  A few of my wall balls weren't as low on our last practice so that needs to stay in my mind but ... what's a few extra wall balls, right? 

One of the coaches asked me, "What's the worst that could happen?" My answer: Nothing.  

I meant it too. Because, unless I topple off a box and crack my head open ... what is the worst possible thing that could happen?  Not a dang thing.  Am I dreaming of standing up on the podium, placing in my first competition.  No.  I'm not dreaming of that.  Nothing is riding on that.  There's nothing riding on the results of Saturday. 

But what if we place last?  So what?! I don't care if we place all the way at the bottom. I've already talked about the reasoning behind this feeling. 

Last place beats did not finish which will always beat Did Not Even Start!  Now, I am not talking about people who don't do CrossFit. Everyone has their own thing.  This is mine.  I'm talking about the girl I was a year ago when people talked about the Open or competitions.  I said "I will never be able to do that" and for a long time, I actually was fully convinced of that line of thinking.  

Nope.  I'll never be able to compete in this sport. 

Perhaps, not professionally, no. But, does everyone that signs up for a 5K do it as a professional runner? Last I checked, no.  Thank goodness, because I have done 5Ks and we all know how amazing I am as a runner.  

Yes, I'll wait while you get yourselves up off the floor from laughing so hard. 

All better?  Cool. 

This is all about me pushing myself beyond my 'comfort zone'.  I do it every session at CrossFit. I stare at the workout and figure out if I can do it RX (or as prescribed on the board) or if I have to scale part or all of it.  I push myself to do as much of it RX as I can.  And, I don't beat myself up if I can't. I started to last night when I was all over the RX deadlift weight in our WOD but then couldn't do an RX box jump.  But who cares? I honestly feel more exhausted doing step ups than the small little bitty box jumps I can do so in a way, I was happier for the more exhausted feeling. 

Beyond all the nerves and anxiety I am feeling there is something else buzzing around inside me. 


Because I am, quite literally, unbelievably excited. My mind toggles back and forth between fear at the approaching day and wishing it would get here.  There are 21 of us competing and a bunch more coming to cheer us on.  It's going to be a blast.  I feel like the day is going to just fly by and then it will be back home and back to regular ol' workouts and I'll be all sad.  So, I am trying to focus more on the excitement feelings and I will be trying to take pictures and document as much as I can when the day is here. 

And, then I'll be wondering, WHEN IS THE NEXT ONE?!